i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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