In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
