i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
