I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
try lime green
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
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