he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My bed smells like the plague
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
