I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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