I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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