We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
