I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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