The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
