I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
