i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
