I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
