Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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