It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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