its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
