just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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