whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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