he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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