i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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