sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
