I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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