I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
