new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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