I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
