ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
