I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
