I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
