Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize