Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
