I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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