i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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