Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
