I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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