I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
