You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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