Capitaan dildo arrescate!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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