he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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