they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
