Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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