Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
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do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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