Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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