i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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