So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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