Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
