Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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