I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
