I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
