When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
