The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
