You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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