i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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