Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
