he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
