it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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