I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm passing your future prison.
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you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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