Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
