I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
