My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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