there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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