I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
