I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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