I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
is wine microwaveable?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
