I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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