Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
