did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Quick, to the slutcave!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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