It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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