Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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