After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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