my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
