So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
