I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Girls should come with a carfax report
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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