remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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