Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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