and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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