No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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