I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
