did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dating After Heartbreak
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.