then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.