Duck Duck Cougar?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.