dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.