Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.