my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?