now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
