Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You ruined the universe
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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