you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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