if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
