I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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