Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
